Do you ever project your frustration, disappointment, or even anger with yourself for not reaching a goal onto God? Especially if you’ve felt inspired by Him to go for something big?
(If you could see me, I’m raising my hand.)
On this week’s podcast I’m sharing some personal experiences about goal setting and faith and how it used to be kind of a tangled, angsty mess and what it’s transformed into now.
I’ll see you inside! xo, Janeen
[00:00:00] Janeen: Well, hey you guys. Welcome to the new year. Welcome to 2023, and welcome to this podcast If you are brand new. I am Janeen Alley. And today we are talking about God and goals. So, I am a Christian. I don't bring this up very often in my podcasts, but I am a Christian. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints, and I love all things Jesus.
[00:00:25] I'm just saying . So I love to watch The Chosen with my husband. I love to go to church. I teach Sunday school. This is a huge part of my life, and I wanted to do a podcast episode today about God and goals. This is something that I have not brought in a lot to my work , but this is something that I feel really strongly about that I need to incorporate and talk more about because what I'm seeing when people are thinking about their goals as Christians, as Christian women, I think they're [00:01:00] causing themselves a lot of unnecessary pain.
[00:01:03] I know that so much of our faith and our spiritual lives are so personal, but I just want to kind of talk about my own journey to help us to be a little bit more compassionate with ourselves and to maybe see things the way that God does. Not that I can speak for Him, but I can share some of the things that I've learned just from my own perspective and what has really helped me to grow closer to Him and also understand a little bit more of a broader picture, a bigger picture, because so often when we think about our goals, we're thinking about things from a very limited view. And I want to maybe expand that view if you're thinking about things the same way that I was, a little bit ago.
[00:01:48] So I had a friend that, that sent me a message. She had set a really big goal for herself and was feeling really disappointed because she felt like she had been [00:02:00] led to work on this goal. It was a fitness goal. She had been led to work on this goal and to achieve some really big things, and she had entered a competition and hadn't done very well and was kind of beating herself up about her the outcome because she felt like God was disappointed.
[00:02:16] He had inspired her to go for this goal and it wasn't turning out the way that she thought it should. And so her conclusion was that God was disappointed in her. Now, let me just say that one of the things that I love about life coaching, I know I'm kind of switching gears here, but I I'll come back to what it was I was just saying.
[00:02:40] I think one of the things that I really love about life coaching and has really drawn me to life coaching is that it helps us to become more Christ-like. And to be more, more loving, unconditionally loving to ourselves and to other people. And for me, it has also helped me to just [00:03:00] kind of have a stronger governor in my mind about the way that I want to show up versus my default response.
[00:03:08] It's helped me to kind of rise above my default reaction to things and to be more intentional in the way that I am showing up for myself and for other people. And how much more kind it has made me all around with myself and in other relationships that I have, and I think that really is something that draws a lot of Christians to coaching as well.
[00:03:29] I'm just speaking from other friends that I have and the the podcast that we like to listen to and talk about is because it helps us to become better. It helps us to be more like Him. So before I get into this conversation, That I was having with my friend. I want to talk about quickly just the way that God communicates with us.
[00:03:50] Again, this is something that's very personal and I, I know that I have experienced a lot of impressions, a lot of spirit to spirit communication with me and with [00:04:00] God. And I'm gonna give you two examples of this because these are two examples that I'm gonna be using throughout the podcast, but I have been inspired in two ways that were really difficult for me. These two things I think have been so instrumental in my growth as a mom and as a human and as a wife, and just overall. And the two ways that I've been inspired to change and to, to move forward in ways that I couldn't have anticipated in my early life is that I was impressed to homeschool my kids. That was back in 2010. I think I got that impression. I started homeschooling 'em in 2011, took me a while on that one, and then also to start a business and I got that impression I think pretty early on actually, but I just, it took me many years to wrap my mind around that idea of being a business owner.
[00:04:57] I wanted to just kind of give away all my information for free, [00:05:00] the things that I was learning and not really have much business structure to it so that took me a long time.
[00:05:09] I think that one took me years, and it's something that I really feel like I've stepped into in the last several years, even, you know, this was several years even after I got an L L C for my business. . But the interesting thing is I felt like I needed a pretty strong, powerful nudge for these because I didn't really wanna do either of 'em.
[00:05:26] And I, and I should say I didn't feel super qualified to do either of them. I, in fact, I felt super unqualified to do both of those things, and it felt like a massive, massive undertaking for me. I had no idea what I was doing in either case. I had no idea I how to homeschool my kids. I mean, I've never taught children before.
[00:05:48] Um, except for just, you know, you know, being a mom and teaching 'em to be nice to each other, you know, I didn't know how to teach anybody math or how to teach anybody reading or anything like that. And there's still some things that I'm learning in both of these [00:06:00] cases, but both have been some of the hardest things that I've ever done. And like I said, it wasn't on my agenda for my life.
[00:06:07] you know, back in college when I was creating my bucket list, I never thought to myself, you know what I'd love to do, homeschool my kids. Like that was never anything that I thought. But I think sometimes when we take on these bigger things, when we follow these promptings or these impressions that we feel, we think that the outcome is gonna be amazing.
[00:06:27] We think subconsciously, I think we buy into this idea that there will be rainbows and daisies and unicorns, and it will be easier than it actually is for sure. I mean, I, I, for sure, a hundred percent thought both of those things, homeschooling my kids and starting a business, would be far easier than it actually was.
[00:06:50] and that I'd have lots of success, you know, whatever that is or whatever that meant to me at that time, I thought I'd have lots of success when in [00:07:00] fact I had lots of challenge. And oftentimes what happens is when we don't get the success we feel like we deserve or we feel like we should have based off of all of the work that we put into things, all of the work, we get all tangled up emotionally and we take things personally. We make it mean all kinds of untrue and often unkind things about ourselves. And I know not only are these my opinions about me, but I project that onto God. I feel like He's disappointed in me, and if I didn't reach the goal, then somehow I'm letting Him down. or He's even mad at me,
[00:07:44] I've even gone that that far, or even that He's punishing me. Like He asked me to do this thing. I'm not doing it right. I've sinned in some way. I'm not getting what I feel like I should have, and it's a punishment. And so then we second guess everything that we're doing, [00:08:00] we're just like, well, I must be doing it wrong.
[00:08:03] Sometimes we give up. Sometimes we punish ourselves and continue to beat ourselves up. Feeling unloved, unworthy, not enough on a much bigger level than when it's just us talking to us. Now we're, we're bringing God into this conversation. And this is what I've learned for myself. And I don't know if this is gonna help you or not, but this has helped me tremendously.
[00:08:26] God doesn't give us the things that we want. I think sometimes we think our lives will be so much easier or better if we had a million dollars. God doesn't give us what we want all the time. Sometimes He does. But what He gives us all the time is what we need. Just like we do with our own kids, right?
[00:08:46] Just I, I give my children what I feel like they need way more often than what it is that they think that they want out of their lives. Because truly, we are here to progress. [00:09:00] And if I give my kids what it was that they wanted all the time, they wouldn't work. They wouldn't shovel snow, they'd never eat any vegetables.
[00:09:07] They'd eat junk food all the time. They'd think that they'd be happy living in my basement, playing video games, not contributing to society at all for the rest of their lives. Not growing themselves, right? We give our kids what it is that we feel like they need way more often than the things that they feel like they want to have.
[00:09:29] What I as have also noticed for myself is God doesn't compare us to other people. I know when I started my business, I would look to somebody who's very successful and I'd kinda look at their timeline for things and I think to myself, okay, so that means in five years I should be here , because it took them five years to get where they are right now.
[00:09:49] But that is not the way that life works, right? We are on our own journey and His timing for us and our lives is perfect. God isn't interested in our [00:10:00] success in the same way we are. He is interested in our growth. He is interested in us becoming like Him, the next best version of ourselves that is on that path to knowing Him and aligning our will with His will and becoming like Him.
[00:10:20] One of the things that has stuck with me forever is something that Brene Brown said, at one point, she said, you've got your business, other people have their business, and God has his business. And our job is to trust that even though we don't understand God's business, and the way that He's guiding us, that regardless of what that looks like, He's got our back.
[00:10:44] Regardless of what His business is, He's totally got our back. He's interested, like I said, in our growth, He's interested in us drawing closer to Him, becoming like Him. So how do we do this? How do we trust [00:11:00] and stop meddling in God's business.
[00:11:03] How do we let go of that? I think what has helped me the most is to think about why I ultimately go for goals. Yeah. I like the prize. Just like everyone else. I like to get the gold, the gold pot at the end of the rainbow for sure. But what I have come to treasure and love is the growth is the fun in the journey of reaching the goal. In the transformation process that has to happen in order for our goals to change us.
[00:11:36] That is what I love and that's not what I loved when I started. I hated that actually, , I fought hard against that process because I'm like, this is what I want. I don't like this. This is really uncomfortable. , but God loves that. He loves it when we become uncomfortable because then we learn how to trust Him.
[00:11:56] And I think sometimes we put so much [00:12:00] emphasis on the outcome, thinking that there is better than here, but also taking it a step further and thinking that when we arrive there, we will be better than we are now because of the goal itself. , and that's not why we're better. We're better because of the transformational experience that we have if we allow it to happen on our journey towards the goal.
[00:12:30] I mean, you think about it like the goal itself is fleeting, like having the outcome is something that's kind of one and done. It's actually not that amazing after the fact, right? You lose the 50 pounds and you're just like, really? . I'm 50 pounds lighter, but I still feel like me. It's like having a birthday, right?
[00:12:48] You're just like, well, I turned 45 today. Kind of feels like I did yesterday. , right? It's not really a transformational experience. Right? Unless you allow it to happen. And I think we need [00:13:00] Him guidance in that process for sure, because that's what creates the transformational experience for us, is Him. It's not us.
[00:13:09] It's Him. But we spend so much time making our goals mean so much, don't we? But you are not your goal. I am not my goal. You don't want to let your goal become your ride or die, right? You are complete. You are worthy, you are enough, even without your goal. Even if you never reached the goal. You are all of those things because you are His, because He made you.
[00:13:37] Your goal can never do those things for you. Whether it's your business or a weight loss goal, or savings in the bank, or buying a house, or how your kids behave, none of that stuff can make you enough. It's not gonna make you more lovable in His eyes or more lovable at all. You're [00:14:00] lovable just the way you are.
[00:14:02] We put so much emphasis on the goal thinking that the goal is what's going to make us amazing, but we're not amazing because of the goal. Like I said, we're amazing because we're His. You grow because you have to change in order to get the goal, and that's what's important. That's the gold and the whole process.
[00:14:25] It's not race day. It's not the day that you make a million dollars, that's not it. It's because you change in order to get there. So if you never get there, what I'm saying is, it's okay. You want to let go of making the outcome mean so many things that it doesn't have to mean. And oftentimes when we make them mean all of those things that it will determine our worth or our enoughness.
[00:14:53] we end up beating ourselves up and having this really terrible relationship, not only with [00:15:00] us, but with God, because those kinds of conversations create shame and we wanna hide because of that. We're not like, here I am super imperfect, and amazing anyway. That's not what we're thinking. So one of the, the other things that I've learned is you want to stop comparing yourself with other people. God doesn't compare us with other people. I think he's concerned about just us. , and of course he's concerned about just other people as well, but just us versus us. How we are changing and how we're applying information that we're learning, how we're persevering, even when things are hard, how we're relying on Him.
[00:15:38] And of course the way that we do this is to stay in our own lane. We wanna just be focused on us and our relationship with Him and feeling his love for us, even when we fail. I think ways that we can do this is to stay super curious and compassionate with ourselves. When we're in this head [00:16:00] space, we emotionally stay very open. It's very vulnerable being here. But we want to stay open. We wanna stay curious and compassionate and loving ourselves.
[00:16:09] Can we love ourselves the way that He does when we don't get the gold? When we don't reach the goal? So staying curious means we're being objective with ourselves. We're asking ourselves, what is working or what do you like about your life right now? What's not working for you? How can you do things better?
[00:16:35] Maybe how can you do things better with His help? That's a better question to ask. . Actually, that's been a better question for me to ask. How can I do things better with His help? Because sometimes I doubt myself, like I don't know if I can do that any better, but I can with His help. That's something that I know for sure.
[00:16:55] How can you be compassionate? How can you love yourself? I [00:17:00] think loving ourselves is the best emotion to feel when we're thinking about ourselves. That's how He feels about us. He loves us unconditionally. How can we do that in this process? We should do this more often. For sure. We should love ourselves often, all the time.
[00:17:19] The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love yourself as your neighbor, and that implies that you love yourself first no matter what the outcome is. He's got your back. You can have your own back too. So I'm all in about setting goals. Goals are super fun, but I think it's so important for us to work on untangling this mess that we so often create about how God feels about us when we don't reach the goal in the timeframe that we feel like we should.
[00:17:53] Even if you've been inspired to take something on, and even if you've been inspired to set that date. You [00:18:00] wanna be careful and mindful about the way that you think God sees you, and you wanna make that a very gentle and loving experience. And I think the way that we do that the best is to do it with ourselves first.
[00:18:14] If we know we can do it for ourselves then we know a hundred percent that God can do it for us i f we don't believe that yet. So work on that, my friend, work on making that happen for you.
[00:18:26] All right, my friends. That is all that I have for you today with this podcast. If this podcast made a difference for you, if you feel like it resonated with you, I would love it if you shared it with a friend. Please pass it along. It's super easy to share. If you get into your, if you get into your phone, there's a way to actually just share it right there on your phone.
[00:18:44] I've shared many, many podcasts with people, and I of course would love it if you shared this one if it made a difference for you in your life. So that is what I have for you today. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week, and we'll talk to you guys soon. Take care. Bye.[00:19:00]